


His Last Words

by One_hell_of_a_fanpage



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4228734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/One_hell_of_a_fanpage/pseuds/One_hell_of_a_fanpage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misaki and Usagi are what you would consider "lovers". They live together, eat together and get intimate with each other. they have their fair share of arguments, but what happens when a fight results in an ever-lasting twist on their relationship? what will happen to Misaki and Usagi's romance?<br/>ALSO AVALABLE ON FANFICTION.NET AND WATTPAD</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Argument

**Author's Note:**

> All credit for this work goes to my friend, she wrote it and it was her idea. All I did was give some small ideas and editing, and I'm the one with the account to post it haha.

 

"I'm home!" 

I say as I walk into the condo of the great lord, Usami Akihiko. I place my school bag down on the floor, and take off my shoes. I look up to see Usagi-san standing in front of me, with an angry scowl across his face. 

"What?" 

I say with knowing exactly why he's mad. 

"You came home two hours later than usual, and I could not find you anywhere on the college campus or reach you by your cell phone."

"Who cares!? I just went out after school with Sumi-senpai...why do I have to tell you everything I do?"

"You know you are my priority, and..."

"Look, I'll be fine, so just leave it alone."

"Your 'fine' is entirely unreliable, Misaki."

"Don't start with that! I said I was fine! I just want to have a normal college life!"

"How many times have I told you, you always let your guard down, and that will just result in..."

"Usagi-san, this isn't about you! This is me! I want to do what any normal student would like to do, and I don't need you trying to hold me back! No one would be on their guard like you are!" 

"You are too naïve Misaki...something could have happened to you..."

"Why don't you try trusting me a little!? I can make my own decisions, and know right from wrong!"

"I do...trust you..."

"As if! Now stop worrying about me!"

"I can't Misaki...I love you."

Usagi-san then proceeds to wrap his long arm around the small of my back, while he grabs my chin with his cool fingers and begins to lean forward. 

"This isn't time to be fooling around!!" I say as I push Usagi-san's chest, releasing my body from his arm. His purple eyes widen, but he then looks down with a saddened expression.

"There should be no problem with not worrying about me! Like I said, I can manage without you always needing to know everything about what I am doing, and who I am with! So quit getting into my business, and concentrate on your own life!!"

I am completely flustered and my face is radiating a deep red color. Usagi's original angry appearance had faded. He stares at me with an almost upset expression on his face. He walks past me, and begins to put his beige coat on.

"What are you doing?" I ask, with some curiosity, but mostly irritation.

"I'll be back," he said in a cold tone. 

"Fine, at least you'll be off my back for a while!" 

My retort immediately sent shivers down my spine. He looked at me one more time with his gray hair over his eyes, and closed the door. 

I walk over to the couch, and sit down. 

I should have expected this to happen...Usagi-San gets mad at me because I wanted to do something with Sumi-senpai, and there is this strange history with him. He should learn to put the past behind him! I'm eighteen years old already...why can't I be with who I want to? * * * 

「あなたは私の優先順位を知っている、と... 」

["You know you are my priority, and..."]

Usagi-san...wasn't worried about me being with Sumi-senpai...?

「あなたは...美咲は...何かがあなたに起こっている可能性があまりにもナイーブです...」

["You are too naïve Misaki...something could have happened to you..."]

「あなたへ...」

["to you..."]

Usagi-san never said anything about Sumi-senpai...only about me in danger...I never told him I was going to be late coming home, so was he just worried because I didn't come home at the normal time...?

 

I need to apologize to Usagi-san when he gets home.


	2. I Must Wait

 

Time is passing on and on, and Usagi-San still has not come home yet. I just assumed that he went out to get smokes, or go on a quick car ride. The suspense is killing me, and I can barely sit still. 

That pit in my stomach is rising, and I am trying to distract myself. I cooked some foods I've been waiting to try, but it only reminded me of when Usagi-san would interrupt me cooking to wrap his cold arms around me from my back, and whisper into my ear with cigarettes on his breath.

Sitting next to Suzuki-sama did not help either. I glanced over at him whenever I took my eyes off of the door. 

His fuzzy fur still had a slight dis coloring from when I split Ramen noodles all over him. Those weeks when Suzuki-sama was getting cleaned was pure hell when I had to take his place for Usagi-San until he was fully clean.

A teardrop manages to fall onto the palm of my hand. * * *
    
    
        「私は本当にそれくらい彼を混乱させるま
    
    
    
        したか？ 」
    

[Did I really upset him that much?]

What I said was pretty harsh...
    
    
    「彼は今までに戻ってくるのだろうか？ 
    
    
    」

[Will he ever come back?]

My eyelids began to feel heavy, as I contemplate my decision and final results. 

I lay down on top of Suzuki-sama and before I know it, I begin to fall asleep, with the door as my last sight before I drift away.

•••

The sound of the doorbell immediately made me spring up. My mind goes directly to Usagi-san. 

I rush to the door, almost tripping over the glass table in the center of the room.

I press the button on the speaker phone to see two police officers. Terrified, and upset, I tell them I will open the door, and do so. 

"Good afternoon sir, are you the resident who lives with the man, Usami Akihiko?"


	3. What...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes two chapters in one day haha

I am vivid as the police officers ask me the particular question. 

"...are you the resident who lives with the man, Usami Akihiko?"

My heart is pumping, my hands are claming up, my eyes are darting all over the room. What is going on?

"Excuse me? Sir?"

I am taken out of my daze by the tall, brown haired police officer who tries to get my attention. I slowly nod my head as I invite them into the large condo. 

I take a seat on the white couch, as the two police officers take their place standing in front of the couch parallel. I try not to make eye contact with them, as they are very intimidating. Why are they here? Why did they ask if I lived with Usagi-san?

What is going on?

"Well, sir, we have some...important news for you. You see - "

Oh no...

" - there was a driver who wasn't paying attention to the stoplights at an intersection - "

No no, not this, anything but this...

" - and as Usami Akihiko was driving across the intersection - "

This cannot be true, it's someone else, not Usagi-San, not my Usagi-San...

" - the driver hit Usami's car, pretty badly, and - "

...no...

" - Mr. Usami Akihiko died on impact. I am so sorry, sir."

This couldn't have ended any worse. Of all times, of all things to happen, Usagi-San...in a car accident. * * *
    
    
        私の両親...
    

[My parents...]

My eyes widen.
    
    
        彼らは私のために交通事故で死亡した...
    

 

[They died in a car accident because of me...]

I clutch my shirt as I feel my heart about to burst out of my chest.
    
    
        と私もうさぎさんの事故を起こし...
      

[and I caused Usagi-san's accident too...]

The waterfalls in my eyes begin to spill over as the revelation gets to me. My face is drenched in warm tears that drip onto my hands. It feels like tears could stream down my face forever. 

How could I be so...so...malevolent...

It was because of me that my parents died in their car crash, and I still don't forgive myself to this day. Now, I caused Usagi-San to get into a deadly accident all because I couldn't shut my mouth. It was because of me that he had to get out...the statements I said were harsh and cruel, and I regret saying them. If only I could take it all back...

My thoughts are interrupted by the police officer with jet black hair and glasses.

"I understand you are upset sir, we will give you time to take it in, but sometime today, we are going to need you to identify the body."

Identify...the body?

My body begins to shake at the thought of seeing Usagi-San. I break into a sweat, my breathing is now heavy and irregular and my vision is blurred. His body...damaged with wounds and cuts that I caused. I would have to see him...without his cold touch tussling my hair...without his vibrant purple eyes looking into mine...without his distinct smell of cigarettes and cologne that rubs onto me as he hugs me from behind...without his deep, eccentric voice saying that he loves me...without him, being here with me...

I can barely keep myself together as I try to stand up and bolt to the door, only to see complete black, and feel a thud on the floor.


	4. I Succumb to Him

"What's for dinner tonight, Misaki?" Usagi asks from the couch, looking over his newspaper. "Donburi" I reply as I quickly chop some of the seafood I picked up at the market earlier today. I've had a pretty bad day, with getting a huge workload from school, not to mention, getting my notes all wet from falling into a puddle. My day has just not been going well. "Misaki, I don't want to eat that tonight" I drop the knife onto the table, and push my hands through my hair. This dish has been taking me hours to make, and I still have so much work to do, and Usagi wants me to make a brand new one?! "What do you want then?" I say in the calmest tone I can, as I'm about to completely lose it. Usagi puts down his newspaper & coffee on the coffee table and walks to me. His purple eyes stare into mine, and his gives a little smirk. "I want Misaki" 

As I am about to speak, his warm lips are pressed against mine, and his arm is around the small of my back. I push against his chest in an effort to get him off of me. "Usagi-San!! I don't have time for this right now!" He pushes me down to the floor, and he is holding himself over me. "Usagi-San! I have so much work to do for school, and I need to finish dinner!!" I say as I continue to push Usagi off of me. Yet, he always seems to overpower me... He kisses my lips, and I am instantly taken in. His tongue grazes over my lips, then proceeds to penetrates my lips, and our tongues begin to dance. His tongue plays over mine, and occasionally teases over my teeth. His hard erection presses against my groin, which causes a reaction from me. Once Usagi recognizes that, he puts his cold hands around my groin and begin to stroke it up and down. "Uuu-usaaAAAHHH AHH" I moan into his mouth, as he smirks and says my name back, in his raspy, erotic voice. As he strokes my member, I feel my whole body melt into the palm of his hands. The dinner still sits on the counter as we are laying on the kitchen floor. I rest my head on Usagi's chest, and play with his shirt material.

  私はこれを停止する必要はありません...   [I don't want this to stop...]  
    
    
     私は彼のタッチに抵抗カント... [I can't resist his touch...]
       
     私は彼を愛し思います...[I think I love him...]

 As my eyes begin to haze over, listening to the beat of  Usagi's heart, I hear someone calling my name. It sounds far away, yet very close. I try to ignore it, but it becomes very aggravating. I try to sit up, but I am taken back down by Usagi's long arm. "Usagi-San, I hear someone calling me, I need to see who it is" "I don't hear anything, it's probably just your imagination, stay here" "Usagi-San, just let me see if there's someone at the door" "Fine" Usagi says in an angry tone, as he gets up and walks towards the couch. I walk towards the door, and slowly turn the knob to see an extremely bright light. I shoot up from the couch, and I see the two police officers looking at me with concern written over their faces. "Sir, are you okay?" one of the police officers says."Here sir, I'll get you some sugar water" the other one says as he gets up and walks to the kitchen. I look around in distress as I realize, it was all in my head. Usagi isn't here, and I have to go identify his body...


	5. Is it Him?

I drink the sugar water that the police officer made me, as I make my way to their car. They told me I should come now, rather than wait until later in the day.   
My heart is racing as I sit in the leather seats of the police car.   
I guess I looked very frazzled, because the brown haired police officer turned around, and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Just take a deep breath, it will be quick and easy"  
I nervously smile back, as I know this will most certainly not be an easy thing to do. What part of identifying your lovers' body to see if they have...passed in a car accident is easy? Thinking about it makes me want to throw up, but I manage to contain myself, and take deep breaths, before I pass out again.

Time passes and we finally reach the police station.  
My heart is beating out of my chest, I am so nervous for this whole process. * * *

うさぎは彼の切り傷と打撲の多くを持っていますか？  
[Does Usagi have a lot of cuts and bruises on him?]

任意の骨が壊れていますか？  
[Are any bones broken?]

血がたくさんありますか？  
[Is there a lot of blood?]

The black haired police officer interrupts my thoughts as he opens to door, hinting that I should get out of the car. I unbuckle my seatbelt, and slowly climb out of the back of the police car.  
The building seemed tall and intimidating. I stopped and stared at the gargantuan structure in front of me.

"You coming?" the same police officer asks. I speed walk to catch up to the two police officers striding inside.

"Okay, Mr. Takahashi, we're going to set up a room for you, we'll need you to wait here, and we will get you when the room is prepared"   
The police officers walk down the hall, and I sit down in one of the waiting chairs. My foot is tapping the floor at a fast pase, as I'm trying to distract myself from the overwhelming darkness approaching me.

When I was eight, my parents died in a car crash, because I told them to get home sooner. It is all my fault, and I never forgave myself. I became very sad, almost depressed, but I was eight, and didn't think too much of it, until I grew older. • It became worse as I began to inflict harm onto myself, through means of slight cuts with plastic knives and safety scissors, because as a kid, I couldn't get my hands on anything sharper. Eventually through correction and counseling, I gave up on the idea of my loneliness, but the thoughts of my mistakes...never really left. •  
Minutes felt like years until the police officers finally come back, and motion me to follow them. My stomach is in knots as I stand up, and walk towards them.

The room is very small, with a stretcher-like table in the center of the room. The outline of a person is visible through the sheets, and I become more shaken. I stand on the left side of the table, while the police officers stand on the right. The brown haired police officer looks at me with sad in his eyes, and gently pulls the white cloth off of the person's head.

The minute that cloth came off, I knew, no doubt, it was Usagi...


	6. Am I Truly Alone

CHAPTER SIX: Am I Truly Alone?

Nothing could describe the pain I felt in that very moment in which I saw the dead tint on Usagi's face. Shards of glass penetrated the very supple skin on his face. Blood stained his lips and chin, as if it was painted on. His hair seemed to have already lost its' grey shine that I admired, but never cared to tell him about, but now I wished I did. A white cloth covered his eyes. As terrified as I was to further the horrific image by looking into his eyes, I kindly asked the police officers if I could take off the cloth.   
"M-m-may I t-t-take this off?"   
"Of course, if you feel it's what you need to do" he said after looking at the other officer.  
My hands shook with so much force, I could barely grab the cloth as I gently lifted it off of Usagi's face.   
My heart immediately palpitates even more than it already was, as I look into Usagi's eyes. The lustful, bright purple eyes were no longer vibrant, almost as if the purple had succumbed to the monotone color of death.   
I bite my lip in an attempt to hold in my tears, as one slides down my cheek.   
"We...we also would like to show you the belongings he held in his car..." one of them said as they reached into a large box.   
"By the way," the officer said with brown hair, "my name is officer Hisoka" he said to me as he pulled out some items from the box.   
A package of cigarettes, tinted sunglasses and his cell phone were gently placed on a table next to me.   
"Oh my god, what is this?" the other officer says as he picks up a beautiful bouquet of flowers, with an assortment of different colors all together. He hands me the flowers in confusion and slight awe. A little card falls from the bouquet, so I pick it up and begin to read it.   
"To Misaki.  
I'm sorry for not trusting you as much as I should.  
I should have trusted you more.  
I just care about you too much.  
I don't want anything bad to happen to you.  
I love you.  
Love, Usagi"  
I cover my mouth as my breathing becomes erratic, and my cries begin to escape from my lips. Officer Hisoka comes over and pats me on the back as a sign of support.   
"It's okay Mr. Takahashi, feel free to cry if you need to, I understand this is a very hard situation for you to go through. I'm going to get some paper work for you to fill out with my partner, Mr. Jeitsari, you stay here until we get back, okay?"  
I nod as he smiles sympathetically and walks out with Mr. Jeitsari.   
I slide down the wall and bury my face into my knees. Bawls and sobs fill the room as I think more and more about how real this is.

それはあなたのせいで、彼はとにかく死にました  
[It's your fault he's dead anyways]

あなたが知っているこの問題を解決する唯一の方法があります  
[You know there's only one way to solve this]

Depression fills my mind like it did when my parents died as I sat there in my own aura of despair. I worked up the strength to stand up and look over Usagi. His lifeless body looks very stiff and strained, yet his spirit looks simmered out, like a candle that has just been blown out. A teardrop manages to fall onto his hand. I caress his face, only to feel his skin tense and cool to the touch. His face isn't warm like it is when it's he kisses my cheeks, or when he nozzles his face into my neck.  
I can't do this anymore. I gently close his eyelids and pull the sheet back over his face.


	7. Don't Succumb to It

CHAPTER SEVEN: Don't Succumb to It

The police car slowly drives back to the condo, passing through the streets of nostalgia. We passed the flower shop, where I got Usagi his flowers for winning an award on one of his books. I assume that's where he got mine as well, I think to myself as I glance over at the objects in the seat next to me. * * *

どのように無生物の束は人を表すことができますか... ？  
[How could a bunch of inanimate objects represent a person...?]

一人で私の恋人をしてみましょう...  
[Let alone my lover...]

As I push my eyes past the objects of my remembrance, I look up to see a familiar sight. A pole, near a condominium that has all too many memories.  
It was the area where Usagi first kissed me...  
The flashback physically hurt as I could almost feel Usagi's lush lips pursing mine, the warm orb of passion radiating off of him as he wrapped his arm around me. The snow descending slightly after, as he softly wept into my shoulder. Little did I know I would be where I am today...  
The police car finally stops in front of the condo, and the police officers bid me a good night. I slam the condo door shut as I walk in with tears staining my vision. Everything was so blurred, everything hurt. I placed the items on the glass table in the center of the room. I knew I should call my brother to convey the news, but I could never explain to him the type of relationship Usagi and I had, especially not in a moment like this when I'm already broken enough. I don't want to deal with the unknown of how Takahiro will react. Instead, I pick up the phone and dial Kamijou-sensei's phone number.  
"Hello? Akihiko? Why are you calling right now, I'm busy working on papers!" he answers almost immediately. My heart skips a beat when he says Usagi's name, yet is frightened by his yelling.  
"Oh no...um...it's Misaki, hi Kamijou-sensei...*cough*...I'm sorry to call you in such an unprofessional matter, but um...I was wondering if you could come over...?" There was a short pause before he replied.  
"Uh...sure Misaki, is everything okay? You know I'm...really busy right now, these papers are due soon and I can't fall behind on them" he says with some concern and annoyance in his voice.  
"Uh...ahem...not really, can you just try to get here soon? It's kind of important" I say while holding back the returning tears. A groan is heard in the receiver, justifying Kamijou-sensei's annoyance.  
"I'll be there soon, just let me finish this paper, goodbye." he says as he hangs up the phone. I put the phone down and slowly walk up the stairs. I knew this would happen, I'm starting to lose control. The actions of my subsided depression are beginning to rise up again. I open up the door to the bedroom, which smells all too much like Usagi. My suitcase from the very first day I came was stuffed in the back of his closet. I take it out and rummage through it, to find the secret pouch within. • I pull out two blades, each crusted with the sorrows of my previous years. I walk into the bathroom with these blades tight in hand. I hold one up at the level of my eyes, tears now etched into my cheeks, I stare into the blade. How many horrible stories can this blade tell? It was there when I was old enough to understand the circumstances of my parents' death. "Although you missed part of my life," I said with my voice cracking from my crying, "you can definitely catch up..."  
"...welcome back." I put the blade against my clear stomach and pull the blade in a quick lash. The burning sensation stings, yet alleviates some of the pain. The first cut is always the worst, the indication of defeat, subduction. The first streak on my stomach stares back at me as it awaits more of its' kind. My arm goes across my stomach, starting slowly and increases in speed, like a busy highway, as more and more markings are made against my skin. •  
I miss you Usagi-San...please come back and make the pain go away.  
"-ISAKI!! MISAKI!!" I hear screams from downstairs. It must be Kamijou-sensei. "MISAKI!!" The shouts come closer and closer. He must have used the extra key that Usagi always left for Aikawa-San. I would ask how he initially got in, but nothing mattered in that moment as my vision began to blur. "MI-AKI!!" I hear as my vision fades, with Kamijou-sensei running into the bathroom with tears beginning to form in his fear ridden eyes. He reluctantly grabs my sore body, filled with blood and new forming scars and runs. In that very moment, the light went out.


	8. Oh... I'm Back?

CHAPTER EIGHT: Oh...I'm Back?  
  
"...DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN; MISAKI IS BARELY CONSCIOUS RIGHT NOW AND YOU NEED TO HAVE A ROOM FOR HIM..."  
I hear someone shouting near me. I can't make out who it is, I don't have the energy to even identify the voice. My eyes open a crack, to see only the drivers' car seat. I close my eyes once again, as I feel too faint to even keep them open.  
~~~  
"...don't worry Hiro-san! Look, his vitals are returning back to normal. He will gain his energy back soon enough, he just needs to rest and continue with his supplements from the IV." I hear a voice say to Kamijou-sensei. My senses are starting to come back, so I analyze my surroundings.  
"But why? Why did Misaki subject himself to this?" Kamijou-sensei says with some concern in his voice. I open my eyes slightly and begin to adjust to the light as I look around the hospital room, starting at the bedside table with the IV next to it and the monitor, checking my vitals.  
"It...it just seems like Misaki is trying to cope with something right now. We can discuss this later, when he is well enough to talk about it."  
I lift up my blanket and see the bandages wrapping around my torso, blocking out the screaming gashes. Do both of them know I did this? I think to myself, with some dismay.  
"Thanks for finding a spot for Misaki. I'm sorry for calling you away from another patient. I just didn't know what to do in that moment I saw him, he looked so weak and defenseless...I couldn't think of anything but to call you."  
"Don't worry about it Hiro-san, no need to stress about it now, he is safe here." I look up at the two of them, to see the man, my doctor, hugging Kamijou-sensei from the back, rocking back and forth. The doctor had jet black hair that covered some of his face. He was much taller, compared to Kamijou-sensei, yet much younger. I smile at the cute little notion he does to calm the two of them down.  
"I love you, Hiro-san" he whispers, as he kisses Kamijou-sensei on the cheek.  
Although cute, I felt like I was somewhat intruding by just watching and being a bystander to all of this. Before I had the chance to think about something to say to let them know I was awake, the doctor looked up and smiled at me.  
"Hello Misaki, how are you feeling?" he said as he let go of Kamijou-sensei and made his way over towards me.  
"My stomach hurts and I still feel a little tired, but otherwise, I guess I'm okay" I say, looking down at my hands.  
"Okay, that should be normal for the circumstances that you were put through. When you're feeling better, I would like to talk about the reasoning behind this. Is that okay with you?"  
My body begins to tense up, as I think about it. Usagi-san...* * *  
  
私はそれらを教えてくださいどのように?  
[How do I tell them?]  
  
彼らはどのように反応します?  
[How will they react?]  
  
"Misaki? Hello?" he says as he waves his hand in front of my face. I look at the name tag to see "Doctor Nowaki" written on.  
"Oh! Sorry! Yes, that's fine."  
I don't want to talk about it at all, but I know that there isn't a way I couldn't not. A death is a death, and either way, they will find out.  
  
"Oh, Misaki, due to your state and seeing that Mr. Akihiko is not answering his calls nor is currently here, we called your brother and let him know of the situation. He should be here relatively soon."

**Author's Note:**

> A/N   
> hello everyone!
> 
> I would just like to share that my pen name is emilia xoxo, I do not have any accounts to post on.
> 
> I hope everyone reading enjoys :)


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